October 21, 2013

document. for memory

in the past six months, i've developed this love for documenting things. i've written about it a lot and i still don't know if i make sense, so i've decided to write about it often and share (almost) all my thoughts here, with you!

I don't know about many of you but I am a very nostalgic person. Maybe because I've disobeyed Holden Caulfield and maybe I am a bit of an open book and maybe I do miss everybody and everything and the way things used to be. But don't you ever just wish you had this rewind button? Because I kind of have one. Ish. Somehow. 

I appreciate documenting. I'm the type of girl who has hundreds of notebooks only to write on the ugliest one of them all. Haha, but nevertheless I write. Endlessly. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, with an idea, dying to write it down in fear that I'd forget. I write about what I think of people and what I believe in. I write about favorite memories. It's like my default response to life, to be honest. 

I write so that I am able to look back. I'm obsessive about it because I want to leave my mark. And because I think I know myself so well, I want to do my future self a favor. I want her to look back and I want her to tell stories inspired by things and people she probably won't recall. I want her to have a tangible memory.
But even if I believe this is a transitory life, I want to engrave my thoughts in my vessels. With a sharpie pen. Because time will pass and life will change, and as it does, so will my story.

October 20, 2013

ecclesiastes 7:10 *

i learned a lot of things over these past few difficult months.
one is to focus. to keep myself on track. because if i don't i miss out on opportunities. that's one thing i'd like to put out here tonight.

walk away from what God doesn't want you to do and fixate your eyes on his great plan for you. and that starts with getting priorities straight. i dont want any of you guys to feel this much regret. but i've got a whole lot of things ahead of me that i'm currently trying to focus on, so i'm not going to dwell on the past and my mistakes. i can't let them define me. so as of a week ago, i've been trying to appreciate the beauty of now. of the present. to calm these waters and finally get my sail up. my sail that signifies who i am and what i can do to redeem myself!!! i can doo thissss.

failure, though, is a little funny thing. it really does bring one down and everything, but once it does, it leaves. it's not something that's supposed to last for weeks or months or days. i know it's something that happens quickly. once it's gone, it leaves us with two options. we either pick ourselves up or involuntarily ask for a pity party by choosing to sit down and mope. so if ever you're kind of in that point where you don't know what to do, where you're almost at the verge of giving up? keep this self-memo:

"you are capable of so much more.
you are an eagle afraid to soar."