thoughts for april

I fear two things. I fear that time will run out. I want to read twenty more books, I want to be able to make something, to say something or to write something and I always just fear that I'm not going to have enough time to do that.

I never believed that sticking to a routine was a bad decision to make, in fact, I think it's the safest one. Steering clear from the edges of my safety zone always kept me away from the evident, bitter taste of FEAR: fear of the unknown, fear of taking the fall when I knew I didn't have to if I didn't try, fear of having to LEARN from my mistakes the HARD way. I wanted to avoid that. I fear that.

Throughout April, I've learned two things. Stepping out of my comfort zone is always, always going to bring overwhelming results. It may be bad or good and that's the thing. You never really know. But all selfishness, fear of pain, fear of learning - all of that aside, the results will be worth it. And what's life without worth? I've learned the beauty of productivity and maximizing my time. I've learned the essence of keeping myself busy, tuned and wired for the present. After all, my life is what I make it. This very month was what I chose to make it. Next month is going to be what I make it. I have no more time for the past!

But I will have to admit. Sometimes I DO like to be nostalgic, especially when times are tough. Sometimes I DO think WAY too much about the past. Let me tell you something: the past is a truly self-inflicting and harmful place to live in. It is the painful truth, for it can be a deceivingly beautiful place to look at and admire from far away.

Goodbye April, Hello May!