reasons why i love 2013 p.1

This year was a year of new beginnings and new places and faces and usually those mean good things. And in my case, I definitely believe in the greater good. The glass, after all, is half full, and optimism is the key to open doors for opportunities. But this POSITIVITY wasn't always my mindset.

Memories sting and the past can be a very deceiving thing. I don't know how or why, but memories creep up on my spine and remind me that things can never be the same anymore, which distracts me from allowing myself to engrave my potential wherever I am. And then because of that crippled mindset and inability to do what I am called to do by God, I miss out on good things and on opportunities that can literally change my life.

This year, God taught me how to take those opportunities by giving me these challenges that taught me the importance of mindset and of learning to humble myself. God taught me the importance of keeping my feet on the ground and learning to love where I am and where He wants me to be.
Jim Elliot once said, "Wherever you are, be all there."
This year, I learned to be wherever He wants me to be.
So here I am, God. All 100% of me, always.


(Listen to this and this.)

(in the process of)

Repeat after me:

i am saved.

i am loved.

i am a masterpiece.

i will learn to be proud of myself

and who i am

because i am worth it

i am worth it.

still here

document. for memory

in the past six months, i've developed this love for documenting things. i've written about it a lot and i still don't know if i make sense, so i've decided to write about it often and share (almost) all my thoughts here, with you!

ecclesiastes 7:10 *

i learned a lot of things over these past few difficult months.
one is to focus. to keep myself on track. because if i don't i miss out on opportunities. that's one thing i'd like to put out here tonight.

walk away from what God doesn't want you to do and fixate your eyes on his great plan for you. and that starts with getting priorities straight. i dont want any of you guys to feel this much regret. but i've got a whole lot of things ahead of me that i'm currently trying to focus on, so i'm not going to dwell on the past and my mistakes. i can't let them define me. so as of a week ago, i've been trying to appreciate the beauty of now. of the present. to calm these waters and finally get my sail up. my sail that signifies who i am and what i can do to redeem myself!!! i can doo thissss.

failure, though, is a little funny thing. it really does bring one down and everything, but once it does, it leaves. it's not something that's supposed to last for weeks or months or days. i know it's something that happens quickly. once it's gone, it leaves us with two options. we either pick ourselves up or involuntarily ask for a pity party by choosing to sit down and mope. so if ever you're kind of in that point where you don't know what to do, where you're almost at the verge of giving up? keep this self-memo:

"you are capable of so much more.

you are an eagle afraid to soar."

where've they gone?

i want you to know:

i love blogs! all sorts of em. most of the ones i enjoy reading evoke insight that genuinely excites me because they're the kind of ideas that are brilliant and (always so) well-explained. they're the ideas that can't be found in school books and that kind of stuff. but this is something i want to say.

where have the unique stories gone?

i love all of the blogs that i read, but i feel as if familiarity breeds... yeah, i won't go on.

i've read about making choices, about proper life attitudes, about believing in myself, about inner beauty and those kinds of things. hey, don't get me wrong, i've written about these things recently and i don't regret that. but what i'm trying to say is, i want to encourage myself to avoid writing cliche. to avoid writing the story that everyone's already read or heard, just in different words. because if i fill myself with the exact, same stories everyday, eventually the stories that i am meant to tell will change.. into something a little more influenced by the world. a little less of who i am.

i don't know if you believe in the same thing.

but i mean, write about how pasta could change the world or something.

think and write about something that nobody has ever heard of before.

this time,

to those who waited,
and reloaded their browsers on my page
several,
s e v e r a l
times,
to those who stuck by,
to those who emailed,
to those reading
and re reading
and re reading again,
to those who have stayed
and to ones who have come;
again,
welcome.

i've been gone for a while and i know that isn't healthy for me. but now that i am back, i have planned an awful amount of great things for this blog and for what's going to become of it.
i've even planned up a whole to-do list from an 8 hour plane ride.
yes, friends, i've come from a long trip to london and the middle east,
and i've never been so glad to be sitting on this chair
in my room
at this time of the night.

i've got a whole bag of photos, lame jokes and pretty things.
i've asked a few creative minds to help revamp this blog into something that might make you smile.

i should stop, i wouldn't want to spoil it all.

i'm excited.
you should be, too.

cheers to what's ahead.

smiles

I've had better months and better days. I wish that I could find the right words to say what I think or feel. Right now, I am at the point of pressure; where everything is on me, and I will have to take responsibility. And sometimes the incentive is what keeps me from taking that bigger step. Sometimes, I am distracted and my priorities are messed up.

And with that, honestly, I, myself, am seeing changes in the person that I am and I don't necessarily like them. But you know what's stricken me? It's that no matter what I've done, God seems to never run out of love - at all - and He's the only being that I know of that can do that. To love unconditionally.

Hm, why can't people be more like that? Why can't I be like that?

A friend asked me one time: If you were a color, what color would you be and why? 

It was only almost reflex to blurt out my favorite color (which is undoubtedly green) and not give any other reason, but that night I thought about it and decided to go much deeper than what I initially put out for. Because If I were a color, I'd be blue since it can both portray happiness and sadness. And even so, my friends will see me and love me for me; flawed and imperfect.

// 

Something to make you smile:

I see a bit of light 

From the edge of this cave

This drenched

Moist

And damp cave.

(Also known as school)

(And exams)

I see colors

And smiles

And I can smell

A tinge of salt.

Yes, 

It's summer.

adventure

I know it's been awhile since I've posted and I'm not going to write another paragraph on apologizing (like almost always) when I do it again anyway. The past month has been awfully busy for me, catching up with school and everything. But nevertheless, I've been thinking about this idea for a while now, and I thought it'd be good to leave it on here.

I will be deleting this blog.

Haha kidding, April Fools!

I miss typing on here. 

- - -

I was chatting with an old friend over in Facebook the other day and he told me about his disappointment - how he and his family did not have any plans on travelling over the summer. For a while, I shared the disappointment with him. I mean, who doesn't love the taste of adventure, the anticipation for the unknown, or the wondrous delight of getting lost in a culture that you've never experienced before?

That's the word for it. Adventure.

He was disappointed because his summer had no more room for any adventure.

I sat and thought hard. Really hard. 

And then I realized he was wrong.

Because often,

the greatest of adventures 

are the smallest ones.

The ones we expect the least.

I told him he had to reason to be disappointed.

Travelling is too expensive, he said.

Travelling isn't as easy as it sounds, he said.

Although what he said could be true at some point,

 I think that the easiest way to travel

 - or to have an adventure; to find something unusually exciting -

is to travel out of our comfort zones,

and try something new.

what i'm leaving behind

When I visit thrift stores, my fascination dwells on machines: cameras, music players, radios, televisions and typewriters. I have this other great interest, however, on letters and photographs. By letters, I mean postcards - or actual enveloped letters written in cursive from around 50 years ago. And by photographs, I mean people and places that I've never seen before: usually they have words like "Paul and Mary, 1954" or phrases (if I'm luck) like "San Francisco. Missing the Philippines."

Yesterday, I took a few shots with my Polaroid Colorpack III. The photos came out so nicely, I instantly fell in love with the camera. When the developed photos came out, I thought of something.

Could it be possible that maybe sixty to seventy years from now, could one of these photos end up in a box in some antique store? 

Would a stranger come across this photo and bother to read what's on the behind?

Maybe. 

I would never know. 

So,

If ever, in the distant future, someone comes across these photos, or any photo that I'm ever going to have taken, they're going to read something a little more meaningful than "Paul and Mary, 1954".

They're going to read something meaningful. 

From me.

+value your youth

a different kind of empty

You know what my mind looks like?

It's like this washed out polaroid photo. 

It's concrete - it's there,

but it's staring so intently as if waiting

for the answer to a question

that was never asked.

And it's been like that

for a pretty long time,

which sucks.

Although,

I'm pretty sure

that it had a great photo anyway.

(haha)

{Note: You never know what Ideas might change your life.

So document. Everything}

thanks an awful lot

first off, i'm going to let if off easily by simply saying: i cannot believe that this blog has crept up to 500 followers. seriously, guys, that's like half of a thousand or twice of 250. most of you might not believe how happy and proud i am for reaching this amount of followers - i never thought it would go this far. so thank you a thousand times over!
it's nice, you know? to figure out that someone is listening to what you've got to say. and that's one thing that i admire so much about blogging: about sharing your stories or talents online on your personalized space. i admire how there are people out there - from several, various countries - who make an effort to type my blog's name on their browser, to wait for it to load, and to scroll down to find a new post, read it, and contemplate. i mean, that's if you understand what you read here! (haha)
so, here's to my followers; old and new. for putting up with my weird-ness. and for reading these posts. and for commenting. and thinking. and for breathing. i mean, seriously, you guys, you're all amazing.
x

hello, hello

[back from the dead]

naw, i'm kidding, but i have to say that it has been a long time since i've found myself scrawling over this part of the internet. anyway, over the little blogging break that i took this month, i

• turned fourteen (i can't believe it.) 
• watched swedish house mafia with some great friends
• discreetly stopped updating my instagram
• got better at math
• read less
• watched more movies
• ate more food

you know that feeling of lacking? i'm lacking in the great stuff: the stuff that you'd dance contemporary ballet to - those that you'd skip your nutella session for or the ones that you'd remember for a very, very long time. and so whatever it may be; let it be as small as finally finishing anne of green gables or as huge as skydiving - i'm hoping that february brings some of that great stuff. i hope you all have a wonderful week. :)

2013

I'm not going to elaborate on 2012, but what I will let you know is that, the year is over, and we've done whatever we did, whatever we could, and whatever we had the strength to do. We've all finished one huge chapter, composed of the greatest and weakest events in the book of our lives. So, this is something I want you to do, for me, to start this year.

The regrets that are growing in you? The pain that has been throbbing that constantly tells you that 2012 was a terrible year? 

I want you to forget it all.

I want you to applaud yourself and tell yourself that this year, you did great. It's because someone as capable, as loved, and ast strong as you doesn't deserve to dwell on those ideas - despite the misunderstandings and despite the mistakes that we all went through last 2012.

God's got a great 2013 in store for each of us. So, with this in mind, it'd be great to start this chapter right - with the right words, the right events and the right attitude.

here i lay

I wrote this originally as a poem and posted it another blog, but I thought it would be okay to share it on here with a few changes :)

here i lay on a summer afternoon almost memorizing the pull of the high tide, the scent, how my fingers fit into my sloppy hair and the flight of the wind. it's because one day, all of this will be gone. this innocence. this bliss.

and here i lay on a summer afternoon wishing for anything that might make me forget. forget it all. forget the waves and how they move, forget the salty scent of an endless summer, forget the wind and how it grazes through my disheveled hair, because it just might help to forget. it just might.

so here i lay on a summer afternoon, mixed inside.

because i know, that i will never fail to remember.