December 28, 2012

don't you understand, i'm never changing who i am

"You’re loud.”

It’s a statement I’ve heard a number of times, and I couldn’t agree any more. But believe me, I’ve tried to be someone else. I’ve tried to keep my “cool” and be a quiet person who wanted to go with the flow. I've tried to be serious, tried to be calm.

And I just couldn’t.

There’s a spark inside of me that screams to start a flame, to be the real me and tell someone a joke already. It hollers to start bringing in those stories that I heard over the weekend, to start a laughing chain, or to start dancing my “so called” ballet in the middle of the hallway. It’s that spark that dares me to make the first move, to be a risk taker and to be the different person. It challenges me to be better at what I do to—and it constantly reminds me that it’s always better to do things when I having fun.

Although it isn’t always so happy-go-lucky for me. Sometimes people think otherwise about me. Sometimes they hate it, or they’re annoyed. And all of that causes me to try and be or act like a different person; to live inside the deep ends of the cave of fear where I’m drenched in pretending to be someone I’m not.

Well, live and learn, right?

It pains me to say so, but I’m not always going to make everyone happy. I’m not always going to be able to make someone smile or laugh. Some people find interest in other things, some people are going through stages in life that I probably will never be able to understand. And it hurts. It hurts that there are some people that I can’t find emotion in. It hurts that some people think that what I do or say could be weird. But I’ve learned that these people—that anything at all—shouldn’t give me the permission to be someone else, because this is who I am, and there is nobody in this world that can change that.

So. Back to the start.
Nice to meet you. I am Stella.
I am loud, and I love it.   


Acacia said...

ahhh, stella. you're so good with words; and your photos make my heart sing.

xxx acacia

Acacia said...

ps i can really relate to everything you're saying here. lately, i've tried to adjust my personality to please others. but in the end, i just need to be me. it doensn't matter if i may seem weird sometimes, but if I'm just ME, that's the best I can be! ahhh stella. i'm so glad you posted this.

Jianine ☺ said...

love and agree to everything in this post. also that song from your title :)

aaaa said...

i've had the same problem. though in my case, i'm trying to change just for myself. but it never works. sigh.

Lydia said...

I've always tried to practice the art of being me. Sometimes it's hard, but it's almost always a good thing. We're very different, I think, but I like you :)

marcia said...

oh. this. is. perfect.
I have always tried to fit in and adjust my personality to fit who I thought were my friends. but this last year has changed. I started being the person who God intended me to be, and I have found the most amazing friends ever, and this year has literally been the best year I have ever had. I have never felt so happy or blessed.
so with that said, I'm like super proud of this. because I feel like I know more of the real you through it! you go girl!

Barbora said...

Hii Stella!
Oh yes like you were describing ME!
I´m just laughing all the time with my friends or sometimes without them on my joke.
I´m just super loud sometimes but THIS is who I am...

I tried to be quite but it just doesn´t fit me.

So "sorry" world for beign loud but I just can´t stop laughing when something is funny!

That´s ME-!!

xoxo Barbora♥♥

Sharina said...

Im a new reader of your blog, Stella! So glad I stumbled upon here :)

The Misty Mom

Elisha said...

I totally relate to you + Acacia. This past year I tried to conform myself but.. I've learned I NEED to be me. It's better.
I LOVE this Stella. REALLY.

Jocee said...

i'm one of those people who's wired a certain way for about every situation. when i first meet someone, i'm incredibly quiet. when they've known me for awhile, i am impeccably loud. it's something that i don't particular like about myself, but i find that when i am told that i am loud/quiet/etc, i try to adjust myself accordingly, and as a result, i turn out to be this completely different person that i don't like at all. i think that it's perfectly fine to be yourself. there is nothing wrong with it. just be loud when you're supposed to be and quiet sometimes so that it can put things where they need to be (the perks of being a wallflower). but don't change who you are. i mean, i know you're not, i'm just saying.

so yeah. i think this is splendid post. and imagine dragons is the bomb-diggety. i kinda fell out of wack when it came to reading your blog, but i am so going to get back into it again. also i love your header. isn't jacques + gilles the BEST font?!

Art Project Girl said...

I read your post thinking the whole time ... That's just like my daughter a fire cracker. When I got to the end and it said Stella.... I was like ... Stella??? That's my daughters name too! Now if u say your middle name is blue that would be crazy

Abbie said...

This is me, too. Sometimes I feel like I'm either too loud or too quiet around people. I totally understand how you feel. :) You're a completely lovely girl. <3

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