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October 7, 2012

nothing lasts forever

My eight year old cousin asked me one day to not grow up.
Well?


I can't resist my cuteness, either so.....
Just kidding :)

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A few years ago, when Tumblr was my inspiration space, I came across this text post that read: "Remember when one of the only things we used to cry about were the wounds on our knees?" And it hit me pretty hard: I missed being a lot younger. You know, how everything else in the world besides cookies didn't matter?

It's stupefyingly awful, actually - the fact that nothing lasts forever. This only place that I can call my home - the way the cracks on bathroom tiles curve, or the way the paint on our roof slowly starts to lose its color- won't last forever. The recipe to my all time favorite cinnamon cookies won't last forever - neither will those cookies in the jar. And this youth? This, somehow, short amount of time that I have left before I graduate high school, and sooner or later graduate college - it won't last forever. And honestly? It's kinda sad.

I've thought about this almost a hundred of times - what does an old man or woman feel when they see kids? I mean, I'm practically still a kid, I run after Ice Cream carts that roam the streets, I open the window of our car and stick my head out, allowing the wind to graze through my bouncy hair. I still design my own pizzas, once in a while I climb trees. I brag my tennis skills to my younger cousins who can merely hit the ball, I host running events with my friends - I can't help it, I am a kid. 

But how does it feel - for my grandma, who's almost eighty years old, to look at me running, jumping and being so lively? Does jealousy continuously sting? Does her head and heart start to ache as she (most probably) has some vague memories of her childhood?

Source (Tumblr) 
 
Remind me to check back at this post about 80 years from now if I get to make it, but I think I'd cry. Really, 101% honestly. The pain will continuously throb on my heart - how it's over. My youth. Will I even remember this blog? Will I remember this house - the cracks on the bathroom tiles, that cinnamon recipe of mine - my freshman year, my birthday - anything? 

This is why I take photographs. I take photos to remember. To look back. Once a month, I go through my whole hard drive, looking at photos from birthdays, from occasions, from everyday life in school to huge events in hotels and such. When I take a photo, I stop time. It's like a single moment, frozen for as long as we can think.

Nothing lasts forever, indeed. People will leave, places will be brought down and even memories will slowly fade. It's stupefyingly awful, but that's how it is. And I'll kinda have to accept that.

Thinking of making my first video log! Email me questions and cool stuff (ohsillystella@gmail.com) so it's more fun and everything, okay?

21 comments:

Arielle said...

Practically fell in love with this post, Stella. Made me think about today's generation, and how most of the youth nowadays want to grow up quickly, get into early relationships; all that sort of stuff. It's sad to see how they want to engage in those stuff instead of enjoying the childhood they have now.

Jianine ☺ said...

this is just too cute, and you're right about everything 101%! i wish people could just realize things like these more... x - Jianine

Grace Anne said...

I truly love love love this post Stella! Your writing is truly expressive and heartfelt for a girl who is just starting on her teens! It's just unbelievable but in a very good kind of way! You're just going to fine young woman one day and once you've reach your 80s, you'll just be thankful and feel so much blessed for what your life has brought you. And I hope one day, you'll realize that "nothing lasts forever" has good intentions too, for all we know. But yeah, I also tend to think the way you do so that's just perfectly normal. Just cherish everything what's in store for the present and be the best that you can be. God sees it! :)

Take care young girl! :)

Lydia said...

I've often thought along these lines and wondered this sort of thing. I don't know how it feels to be old, but I think that you can probably choose the sort of old person that you become. Does that kind of make sense? And after all, when you're old you are a combination of all of your own selves! Your young self, your middle-aged self, your older self. Maybe you are more truly you than you ever have been. I don't know ... I don't particularly want to be elderly, but life doesn't end after youth. Maybe you could try asking an old person these questions? I'll bet they wondered about them when they were young.

This is a good post, and I like it. Very well-written and thought out. I can definitely identify with you. =)

P.S. I think you will remember it. All of it. <3
P.P.S. Oh yes, you were the cutest! ;)

Ashley said...

I love this. So much. I feel so heartbroken when I think about growing up. Yet the world won't stop spinning and time won't stop ticking by. <3

Lucy said...

My biggest fear is hitting the end of my childhood (0-18 years) and then dying when I get too old.

Rachel.T said...

Growing up kind of sucks for me. I remember my desire to be a teenager when I was little, and now, I actually kind of hate it. Sometimes it hurts me more to watch others grow up, too.

Acacia said...

This is beautiful. I agree with Rachel.T. Growing up is hard -- it's tough to face reality: time is going as you read this. we need to enjoy NOW, don't we? :)

wonderful post.

xx acacia

Elisha said...

Oh how wonderful girlie. ♥
I don't want to grow up.. Life's so hard. But I'm glad I have my Jesus and friends like you to make it okay.

OH MY GOSH YOU WERE SUCH A CUTE BABYY!

Ashley said...

By the way, you've just been awarded on my blog! :)

Rc Dulatre said...

You are so wonderful. You are still young Stella! I know that you'll still be able to remember all the things that once had happened in your life when you get older. ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Rhodaline said...

I can understand where you're coming from. Me? I don't want to ever leave my 20s. We may not be able to jump or run fast, but hey, it doesn't mean we can't be young spirited as we grow old :)

Chinie said...

You inspired me, Stella! Keep blogging!

Kryn said...

Growing up is exciting and scary...beautiful post. And I'd love to see a vlog sometime soon! xoxo

Elisha said...

YOUR NEW DESIGN IS THE BEES KNEES GIRL.
I love it!!!! ♥♥♥

EnchantedMusicLover said...

This is amazing. Do you think that rather than having constant sadness, your grandmother wells with pride. She may think that she had her time and if she had never grown up, she wouldn't have you....
That is simply my perspective, I get bummed like this too but I always try to flip it and think about all the amazing (and suckish) things are in store. It's really scary but so exciting.

Shelley said...

I know, sometimes it can be sad and even scary to think about how short our time here on Earth is. That's why we have to enjoy life and remember what really matters. Wonderful post Stella! :)

little henry lee said...

i think as you grow older you have time to adjust to it. when you're in your teens, the only thing you have to look back on is childhood, but maybe when you're in your 20s you miss being a teenager and when you're in your 30s you think your 20s were the best time of your life. everything looks better when we look back on it because we try to focus on the good things and tend to forget the bad. i think a grandmother at 80 would look at children and be happy for them that they get to experience all the wonderful things for the first time, but when you've lived for that many years you've probably gotten used to not being young anymore and although you might miss it and get nostalgic about different times in your life, maybe you just appreciate you life for what it has been and where it has taken you. that's how i feel anyway.

little henry lee

Anita said...

this is such a perfect post.

Coco Draws said...

You were the cutest little thing!! :)

Anonymous said...

I'm a 36 years old woman, and I simply love this post... in four years time I'll be hitting 40, & i really am scared of what the future holds for me..

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